I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels