how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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