ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time