Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.

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(789): View more from

You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(415): View more from California

Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

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(616): View more from Michigan

You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.

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(925): View more from California

Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard

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