Porn is love you can see.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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