we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
