you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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