I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
