playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
