he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
