i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize