In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Boobs speak an international language.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
