im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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