You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i now understand why vodka
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
