You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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