I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
