This is not my ceiling
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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