sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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