he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
