Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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