i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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