haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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