Do you still have your period?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
