Don't you send me to vm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
