can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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