I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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