My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
