You know, be my cock's hype man.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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