the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
