4 words: hood of his car
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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