Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I smell stomach acid.
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she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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