Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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