benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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