oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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