i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
