So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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