I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
