they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
