My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
