don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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