I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
