You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
