i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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