can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
