Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
