So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
