remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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