So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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