the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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