The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize