she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
