the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
