Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
