Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
