don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
