what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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