I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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