i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
