Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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