dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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