if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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