Can Purell be used as lube?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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