I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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