You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
