You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
