I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
