There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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