i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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