I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
