Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
