ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
