I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize