If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got inside last night via doggy door
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
