redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
