dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize