Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
