Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
