Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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