i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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