shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
